"wardrobe identity erosion" is going to live in my head for a long time. i've been writing around this idea for months — the way a closet becomes a document of every small concession — but i didn't have the language for it until now.
the part about pre-emptive shrinking hit particularly hard. the judgment hasn't even happened yet and you're already editing yourself for it. that's not caution. that's a decade of practise.
thank you for naming it. and for being angry about the systemic beige-ing too — because honestly that anger is the right response.
Noa, you have been writing around it for months because you have been living it like so many of us. I am so glad I was able to help you form some language around what you will share with us here. Please send me the post once it’s out! I am so curious to see what take you take. The language always comes from the person who knows the pattern from the inside. And you already had it. Your own writing on this is sharp as hell. Keep going.
The anger is the right response. Stay angry with me!
i could never afford new clothes. i’ve been wearing the same clothes. now we are separated. when the inevitable divorce comes i’ll be even more stretched financially. all of my fashion dreams have laid cold on pinterest boards for the past 10 years.
Krissy, thank you so much for sharing this. This is a different thing entirely, and I want to name it clearly: what you're describing isn't a wardrobe problem. It's a financial one. And it's so damn real.
I'm not going to tell you to wear the dress anyway. That would be insulting when the barrier is money, not permission. And I know many might feel the same. Those Pinterest boards though? They aren't dead. They are evidence. Proof that the woman who wants those things never stopped existing, even when the resources to reach her weren't there. The dreams you have kept for ten years didn't expire. They are waiting.
When you are back on your feet, and you will be, she is still there. Hold onto the boards. They are not fantasy. They are a map for later 💛
oh i’m manifesting that wardrobe. and ones for my 3 little girls too. not being able to “go shopping” for your daughters is another kind of pain. materialistic? looks that way, but it is so much deeper. one day i’ll buy the dress and wear it for me and me alone.
it is not materialistic at all. Not even close. And the fact that you felt you had to defend it tells me everything about how women get taught to apologise for wanting. Wanting to dress your girls isn't about clothes. It's provision. It's care. It's one of the oldest ways a mother gets to say 'I've got you' without words. Being cut off from that is a real loss, and you are allowed to grieve it without anyone calling it shallow. Hold onto the want and belief that you will buy the dress and wear it for yourself and yourself only. Not as a someday-fantasy. As a fact you are walking toward.
You are going to dress those girls! And you are going to wear that dress. Me and me alone is not selfish. It's the whole point x
Jennifer. Thank you for "starting true". Ive been creating a wardrobe for the life i want for the last 10 years. What hasn't been worn? The evening dresses. A me I haven't met yet there....
Jody, that's beautiful work you've been doing and thank you so much for sharing this!
But here is the thing: the me you haven't met yet? She might already exist. She's just waiting for you to wear the evening dress. Sometimes we buy the clothes for the person we are becoming, then spend years waiting to feel worthy of wearing them. As if the dress will grant us permission we already have.
What if you wore one of those evening dresses next weekend? Not for an occasion. Just because. (I sometimes rock a evening gown while doing dishes just because I feel like it) 💛
Love this!
❤️
"wardrobe identity erosion" is going to live in my head for a long time. i've been writing around this idea for months — the way a closet becomes a document of every small concession — but i didn't have the language for it until now.
the part about pre-emptive shrinking hit particularly hard. the judgment hasn't even happened yet and you're already editing yourself for it. that's not caution. that's a decade of practise.
thank you for naming it. and for being angry about the systemic beige-ing too — because honestly that anger is the right response.
Noa, you have been writing around it for months because you have been living it like so many of us. I am so glad I was able to help you form some language around what you will share with us here. Please send me the post once it’s out! I am so curious to see what take you take. The language always comes from the person who knows the pattern from the inside. And you already had it. Your own writing on this is sharp as hell. Keep going.
The anger is the right response. Stay angry with me!
i could never afford new clothes. i’ve been wearing the same clothes. now we are separated. when the inevitable divorce comes i’ll be even more stretched financially. all of my fashion dreams have laid cold on pinterest boards for the past 10 years.
Krissy, thank you so much for sharing this. This is a different thing entirely, and I want to name it clearly: what you're describing isn't a wardrobe problem. It's a financial one. And it's so damn real.
I'm not going to tell you to wear the dress anyway. That would be insulting when the barrier is money, not permission. And I know many might feel the same. Those Pinterest boards though? They aren't dead. They are evidence. Proof that the woman who wants those things never stopped existing, even when the resources to reach her weren't there. The dreams you have kept for ten years didn't expire. They are waiting.
When you are back on your feet, and you will be, she is still there. Hold onto the boards. They are not fantasy. They are a map for later 💛
oh i’m manifesting that wardrobe. and ones for my 3 little girls too. not being able to “go shopping” for your daughters is another kind of pain. materialistic? looks that way, but it is so much deeper. one day i’ll buy the dress and wear it for me and me alone.
it is not materialistic at all. Not even close. And the fact that you felt you had to defend it tells me everything about how women get taught to apologise for wanting. Wanting to dress your girls isn't about clothes. It's provision. It's care. It's one of the oldest ways a mother gets to say 'I've got you' without words. Being cut off from that is a real loss, and you are allowed to grieve it without anyone calling it shallow. Hold onto the want and belief that you will buy the dress and wear it for yourself and yourself only. Not as a someday-fantasy. As a fact you are walking toward.
You are going to dress those girls! And you are going to wear that dress. Me and me alone is not selfish. It's the whole point x
🫂🖤
❤️ an evening dress with dishes, just because. You're simply amazing.
You are truly a darling Jody!
Jennifer. Thank you for "starting true". Ive been creating a wardrobe for the life i want for the last 10 years. What hasn't been worn? The evening dresses. A me I haven't met yet there....
Jody, that's beautiful work you've been doing and thank you so much for sharing this!
But here is the thing: the me you haven't met yet? She might already exist. She's just waiting for you to wear the evening dress. Sometimes we buy the clothes for the person we are becoming, then spend years waiting to feel worthy of wearing them. As if the dress will grant us permission we already have.
What if you wore one of those evening dresses next weekend? Not for an occasion. Just because. (I sometimes rock a evening gown while doing dishes just because I feel like it) 💛